The American Calgarian

Tales of a Midwesterner transplanted in Western Canada

Treadmill Snark

Ever wonder what runners are thinking while logging miles on the treadmill? Here’s an idea of what went through my head during my 6k this afternoon.
Guy next to me is spitting image of Mike, my friend and fellow marathoner. However, this “Mike” did not appreciate my wit and wisdom in the same way. No matter, I will make up a conversation.
Keith Urban look alike lifting weights. Worth noting, his weight-lifting form is not as pretty as his hair.
Hey, buddy with the hoodie and sweatpants doing squats.. you are not Rocky Balboa. Quit it with the shadow boxing between your reps.
Two Pakistani soccer players also lifting weights. I think so, anyway. They’re wearing the uniform.
Guy walks by wearing surfer shorts and backwards baseball cap. Really?
“Keith Urban” just got on the treadmill next to me. Do I ask him about Idol?
Two teenage girls walk by, in full makeup. No words.
Did I set the goal for 5 or 6k? Am I running under a heat vent? It is hotter than Hades in here. Perhaps next week I will (attempt to) swim laps. There is a hockey game on that elliptical waayy across the gym. What am I doing over here? “Keith Urban” gets off the treadmill next to me and another guy steps on. He obviously had curry something-or-other for lunch. “Mike” is still next to me, though he is slowing down, appearing to be in a cool down mode. Bummer, we were having a nice imaginary conversation where he agreed with all my feminist rants.
Note to all men in the weight lifting area – walking around in the general vicinity of weights does not equate a workout. Do something, for crissakes. Except you, “I am not a jogger” T-shirt guy, you can stay as long as you like. Preferably lifting in front of my treadmill.
CurryMan gets off treadmill. He is headed over to the elliptical with the hockey game playing. Would it be rude for me to ask him to report back with a score?
I set the goal for 6k, evidently, as I just passed 5.25k and “Mike” has left. I am alone.
Woman that works at the gym is doing rounds. She smiles at me. I must look like I’m about to have a heart attack, because I am sprinting in an effort to get off this machine as soon as possible.
Success! 6k complete, headed down to the pool to check out how many laps Jaybird has swum.
Also, a note to all girls working out.. if you still look pretty and smell nice after a workout, it was a waste of time. Don’t be afraid to work up a good sweat with boys around. The guy that flirted with me while I was on a stair-master in a smelly college gym in between his reps and sit-ups became my husband. Nice guys appreciate athletic women.

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5 thoughts on “Treadmill Snark

  1. I love this – people watching at the gym is great and my mind wonders like crazy with different thoughts too!

  2. blogginglily on said:

    wait…you MARRIED that guy???

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