The Scariest Part of Halloween
We are preparing for Halloween. The kids have all picked out their costumes and, as is customary for this time of year, they have asked about decorating the house. To be honest, I am not much for Halloween. I don’t like the candy and processed “food” that results from this day. I am pleased that they have a “Black and Orange Day” at school in place of a Halloween party.
Why am I a scrooge at Halloween? Is it over-sugared children running through the neighborhood begging for food? Is it parties where I am told to dress in a costume, pretending to be something I am not? (My most reliable costume to date is “Responsible Adult”. Some years I even pull it off.) Is it the cost of all the treats, costumes, parties and decorations?
No. For me it is the crafts that I am expected to assist my children with, on account that I have a uterus and all. And so, it begins…
JB and Apprentice are at the NHL game so I tell the Girl and Mid we will to go look for some decorations for Halloween if they will come to Ikea with me. (Don’t judge me – you know you bribe your kids too.) After the lap around Ikea, we continue on to the craft store. Girl and Mid see a foam 3D haunted house they HAVE to complete. “We can do it together, Mom!” they bellow. Do you see how I am being played here? Yeah, me too, but I am a mom with the appropriate amount of guilt. And besides, I am a Homemaker now and these types of crafts are in the job description, right? Worthy to note here – along with having limited to no patience, I am not talented in the craft-making department. When I taught Sunday School the crafts often scared me. In fact, a few times the craft relating to the Bible story was so intimidating I would search the internet for an alternative. My class did a lot of crossword puzzles and word searches relating to the lesson of the week.
Anyway, back to the 3D foam haunted house. It looked simple enough. The kids and I could do it during the Green Bay Packers/Minnesota Vikings game. No sweat. So, here goes…
The design and directions.
We started this fun project early in the afternoon. First up, construct the house. The kids are adorable in their energy and helpfulness. It was truly a group effort as we sort the pieces – did I mention there were over 100? We put down the foundation. I start with the walls of the house. Okay, they should lock into place, just like the directions. Shoot. This is tougher than it looks! Girl helps me place the walls. Oh, crap, need glue. Send Mid to get glue; he returns with slippers. Although I have been searching for said slippers for 3 weeks, I am annoyed. For the love of Persephone am I the only one that can find anything around here? Leave project to find glue. Have children start simpler projects independently.
It’s already halftime? Seriously. Send kids outside to wander while I drop countless f-bombs trying to get this torture-masked-as-a-foam-3effingD-haunted house built. If I get one more “when can we put the stickers on it?” I may lose it. A few hours and a Packers win later, I have the house constructed. Of course, by now all three kids have lost interest and are outside playing football, riding bikes or chasing coyotes. And how am I supposed to know? This stupid house has taken the bulk of my afternoon.
Progress as of I-don’t-know-when after the game.
“What’s for dinner? “ Is it really that late? In any case, the house is constructed. The kids complete the house with the stickers and other random foam thingy’s while I get something organized for dinner. Just when I think the entire day has gone to hell in a hand basket, JB hands me a gin and tonic and comments, “Great job on that haunted house. The kids really like it.” Even with that glowing affirmation, somehow, I don’t see many crafts in our future for Christmas. Outlet mall, anyone?